March 2026 | 4min read
Most people don’t have a performance problem. They have an identity problem.
You won’t outperform how you see yourself. Let that sit for a moment.
If you don’t believe you’re worth the investment .. you won’t invest. That’s why self-identity, self-worth and self-talk all matter.
Because the language you use with yourself shapes what you believe is possible.
The problem we miss
Here’s something I’ve noticed.
A lot of people invest more into others than they invest into themselves. They’ll support, encourage and build everyone else up, then when it comes to themselves? They hesitate.
I’m guilty of this too from time-to-time!
Sometimes we call that humility. But if we’re honest .. sometimes it’s avoidance. OUCH!
“Parm .. Why you gotta be like that man!”
The small shift
Let me challenge something we hear all the time.
Positive affirmations are good. But development affirmations are better.
This isn’t rainbows and unicorns stuff. This is identity work.
For example, there’s a big difference between saying: “I am a patient father.”
Versus: “I am becoming a patient father.”
Think about that for a second. If yesterday you lost your temper .. and today you wake up and say: “I am a patient father.”
Your brain goes: “No you’re not.”
Why?
Because your brain protects what’s familiar. It protects your current self-image.
If the affirmation is too far from your lived reality, your nervous system rejects it, which is why some affirmations feel fake.
Leadership identity
The same thing happens in leadership.
Imagine someone who struggles with speaking up in meetings. If they start telling themselves: “I am a confident leader.” But yesterday they stayed quiet in three meetings…
Their brain rejects it.
Instead, try: “I am becoming more confident speaking up in meetings.”
Now it’s believable. Now it allows for growth. Now the brain doesn’t fight it. NOW WE COOKIN’!
The power of becoming
When you say: “I am becoming…” – You’re not lying. You’re acknowledging growth in motion and installing a new identity slowly.
As long as you’re putting in the right work. You can’t sit on the couch all day eating chips and keep telling yourself “I’m becoming, I’m becoming, I’m becoming”
Nope, it don’t work like that!
Development affirmations focus on direction and progress .. We’re not yet focused on end state.
This leaves room for bad days and reinforces the idea: “I’m not there yet. But I’m moving.”
Let’s get it
So instead of affirming who you wish you were…Affirm who you are becoming. Identity doesn’t change overnight, but it does change when you keep showing up and doing the work.
This was a powerful lesson I recently picked up from a podcast on The Ed Mylett Show about overcoming self-doubt. And it stuck with me.
So the real question is: Who are you becoming?
Let me know – I’d love to cheer you on from the sidelines!
Conquer your potential!
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