April 2026 | 4min read
Authenticity isn’t all-or-nothing.
This was one of the themes in a leadership ‘laser coaching’ session with a non-profit leader.
(If you don’t know what ‘laser coaching’ is – please ask – this is what all the cool leaders are into these days 😎)
We talk a lot about authenticity, but it’s often framed as an all-or-nothing idea. Either you’re authentic, or you’re not. In reality, authenticity (when leading others and self) works more like a dial than a switch.
You don’t need to share everything to show up real, and showing up real doesn’t mean oversharing or emotionally unloading in every moment. It means being intentional about how much of yourself you bring forward and when.
There are times to dial it up, especially when trust and safety are present, and there are times to dial it down when they’re not yet established.
You may also want to dial it up/down depending on the environment, culture of the group and people you’re around. It may just not be the right time to dial up authenticity all the way to high.
It’s a judgment call. And good judgment is a core personal excellence skill. Some have it, some don’t – no names 😃
Authenticity is a two-way street
Here’s the part that often gets overlooked. If you want to show up more authentically, you also have to create space for others to do the same.
This is where emotional intelligence in leadership shows up.
It means allowing people to think out loud, to not have perfectly formed answers, and to take a pause instead of feeling pressure to perform. It means resisting the urge to rush conversations just to look confident or in control.
In my leadership training sessions, I’m often asked thoughtful, challenging questions. Sometimes, I don’t have the answer right away. Earlier in my career, I would’ve rushed to fill the silence or lean hard into the “expert” role.
Now, I pause. I ask a few questions back, open the conversation to the group, and let the answer emerge collectively. This isn’t ‘foo foo rainbows and unicorns’ thinking.
This shift is me choosing to take the mask off. And acknowledging that I may not have the answer right away. And knowing that soon enough, I’ll have some perspective to share.
Best self isn’t the same as full self
This is an important distinction. Showing up as your best self is not the same as showing up as your full self.
Your best self is intentional, grounded, and aware of impact .. a core part of authentic leadership. Your full self, maybe unfiltered, can easily turn into impulse rather than leadership. Vulnerable leadership isn’t about exposing everything .. it’s about practising appropriate honesty in the right context.
Leading with vulnerability
When I facilitate values-based leadership sessions, I make a conscious effort to lower my guard. One value I often speak about is kindness, and that value is deeply personal for me.
Before my mom passed away from cancer in 2022, I interviewed her. One of the questions I asked was: “What does the world need most right now?” Her answer: “kindness.”
This story still catches me ‘in the emotions’. I don’t rush past the feeling, but I’m also not sitting in it for too long, especially if I’m sharing during a training and development session. Because at that point, it’s not about me, it’s about them.
Leadership doesn’t require armour or emotional distance. It requires presence, awareness, and the willingness to be human when it matters. This is vulnerable leadership done right!
Authenticity in action – your filter
Before you dial your authenticity up or down, run it through these three questions:
- Who is this for? (me or them): Am I sharing to serve the moment, or to release something for myself?
- Is this the right time and place?: Does the environment have enough trust and safety for this level of honesty?
- Will this add value or create noise?: Will this move the conversation forward, or shift focus away from what matters?
I’m not telling you what to share and when. I’m suggesting taking a second to think before you dial up authenticity at times. Because sometimes, it’s about saying the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason.
Conquer your authenticity!
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